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Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Our Available Offerings

Here at LC's Sunset Emporium, we provide
substitutes for sentiment that would interfere
with your cold-blooded
appreciation of the Boston Red Sox
We offer various models, and various price points, designed to mask, sublimate and obscure your attachment to
one player or another.


EXCLUSIVE


New Today!!!


Nancy At Leisure

Free










Also New Today

My Team Sucks
[Welcome to the Dump]

Price: My Sanity

PRE-ORDERS AVAILABLE NOW
THERE GOES THE SEASON
Due to Ship on or about August 5, 2009
[shipping date moved up]

With the unique LC Rental Sunset, you need care less about the
emotional, psychosocial or physical
impact that your discomfort over the performance of a given Red Sox player
will create.



We have products for all budgets.


Specials weekly, unless we get bored with this.




NEW THIS WEEK

The Fan
Push her Off, Put Her Out of Her Misery

Price: patience

Da Bronx
Price: $10,000 a seat.

Enjoy it MFYanx Fans


The Smoltz

Pick up you clubs on the way out, pal.
Thanks for coming



Kotsay (aka The Goat)

Mark, we hardly knew ye.


PRIOR OFFERINGS.
UNFORTUNATELY, MOST OF THESE ARE STILL AVAILABLE

The Bullpen

Gas Can Attachment Included

Price: 72 era






The Wild Card

For those of you who think one game doesn't make a difference.

Price: $11.10





The Lowell

(Havana never looked so good)

Price: Negotiable










STANDARD FARE

The LUGO



[and, thanks to Nat]

Price: Prorated








The Nats Stadium Prize Pack

[discontinued for lack of interest]

Pretty Inspiring, huh?

One Night Price: $.07 for every Non-Red Sox fan in the shiny ballyard

Offer expires Thursday at the end of the animated Racing Presidents' Game on the
Big Honkin' Jumbotron






The House That Beer Built


Price: $7.50, or $8.50 for the premium blend






Here are some of our inaugural offerings:



The Papi




TEMPORARILY DISCONTINUED

Likely to be in stock, soon.





The Nancy




Do I have to explain everything?

Available only in permanent rental: $11 million annually





The Dice-K



yup, that's Mount Fuji


Price: 15 day rental $340
60 day rental $380

(Posting fee extra. Contact Nippon Ham Fighters For More details)










The Bucholz





That's his girlfriend. Get over it, pal.










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